i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
