She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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