Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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