my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
