She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
