I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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