When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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