in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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