I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
