My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
