you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
