nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
