Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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