I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
