i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
