What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
