Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
