We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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