so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
