Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
