Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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