I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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