I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Randomize
