im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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