This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
