It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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