i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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