i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
