She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
