I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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