I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
