my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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