Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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