My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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