No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
