The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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