too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
