Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
