they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
