Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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