Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
