i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
