ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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