I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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