Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
