we're chasing vodka with high fives
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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