Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
