yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
