none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
