Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
